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MOVIE REVIEW: Predators

Flawed logic, flawed science, flawed movie

Predators: Rates a D.
Courtesy photo

It’s another movie remake. Hollywood is so out of ideas it’s ridiculous. I’m waiting for movies on 99 Luftballons, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and other 1980s songs. It’s the one thing that hasn’t been tapped yet.

I’m one of the few people that didn’t love the original Predator the way all my friends did. I thought the invisibility of the alien was cool. And there were a few good action scenes (I find it more interesting that three of the cast members have all gone into politics – Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sonny Landham). I’m still waiting for former SDSU alumni Carl Weathers to run for something.

This new cast isn’t quite as muscle-bound. For example, Topher Grace (That '70s Show) is one of the crew; and Adrien Brody takes off his shirt to reveal – he’s gained 10 pounds of muscle just for this part. Oh, and he has this cool raspy voice going. I think he’s trying to channel other movie tough guys like Snake Plisken and Clint Eastwood.

I find it hysterical that the movie was directed by Nimrod Antal, because…it really took a nimrod to make such a picture. It’s really a mess.

I’m not sure what happened to Robert Rodriquez (the producer), who had done a few early films I enjoyed.

Some of the updates on this story – about an alien that hunts humans for sport – are interesting. This time, humans have been snatched from earth and are thrown onto their planet. There are multiple aliens, and a few interesting visuals.

The aliens look cool enough, but can’t they give us a story that doesn’t used flawed science and flawed logic in the characters decision making?

Laurence Fishburne has a great part in this film, but when he hummed Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyries,” it merely took me out of the picture and made me think about the first movie he ever did – Apocalpyse Now! (if you want to see a great movie with military guys going through jungles, and finding a big alien…err, a big, bald Marlon Brando…rent that instead).

I’m guessing if you’re going to Predators, you’re the type of person who won’t be disappointed with this version.

It just seems that the original didn’t need a remake, and with the show Lost being so successful, the idea of confused guys walking around looking for answers, just bored me.

I understand this is a summer popcorn film, and you’re just supposed to have fun with it. And yeah, it had its moments.

When the guys end up running and are thrown off a cliff into water, you’re on the edge of your seat. I’m not sure why they didn’t give us more action scenes like that. Nothing was stellar about what they did provide.

And actor Danny Trejo, the leathery faced Mexican with the tattoos (who in real life did a long jail stretch), was well cast, but comes across as a bit goofy instead of badass (he has some rant talking about kidnappings in TJ and how they burn their victims, and lots of weird facial expressions).

To illustrate just how pathetic and out of ideas Hollywood has become, there was a trailer for a movie called Machete, starring Trejo. This started as a fake movie trailer Rodriguez did for Grind House. The fact that they made a real movie out of it (starring Steven Seagal), is ridiculous.

But if you liked him and the motley bunch that ran around acting crazy in Con Air (another Trejor vehicle), this is right up your alley.

I was more entertained by the midnight showing in Mira Mesa, that had a sweet Mercedes in the parking lot with two notes left on it. My stepbrother and I were happy, because we assumed it was for the crappy parking job the person did.

When we walked back to the car to get something, I saw the notes said, “You cheated on me, you bich [sic]!!” The other one looked like it went into a few details about the cheating. I was tempted to leave a note that said “When you’re done cheating on people, take some lessons on how to park your car.”

I’m giving the movie a D.

The silver Mercedes Benz owner gets an F.