Michael Shames

San Diego Consumer

Dear Santa

By Michael Shames
Posted on Dec 02 2006
Last updated Mar 05 2007

Dear Santa –

This letter may be tough to read, but better you should hear it from your friends than from your detractors Here it is in a nutshell; you are just too 20^th Century and it is getting a little embarrassing.

First, what is with the gift giving on the night before Christmas? That is so last minute of you. Do some advance planning and make sure that the gifts get there a few days in advance. Two key words for you Santa – Federal Express. Heck, even UPS or DHL will work. They are quick, efficient and low-cost. The reindeer deserve a break. And Rudolph with the red nose issue should finally get the stay at the Betty Ford Clinic that he clearly needs.

And Santa, the gifts that you’ve been distributing need some serious updating. Dolls, candy and miniature cars just don’t cut it anymore. The 21^st Century is all about electronics. But please, any consumer advocate worth their weight will tell you to avoid getting sucked into those useless extended warranty deals – they are worthless unless you are handing out some of the cutting edge, new-fangled electronics like plasma TVs and high-end video cameras. If the elves haven’t been making these things for a few years, then perhaps you'll want to add the extended warranties. Otherwise, fagettabout them.

And if you are providing electronics that require accessories like headphones, games, ink, service plans or other necessary supplements, PLEASE factor the costs of these into the gift. Don’t hand out those low-cost printers without a hefty supply of ink. Don't give out cell phones without considering the cost of the monthly service plans. And please don't distribute the satellite radio receivers unless you know that the recipient is prepared to fork over the bucks for the monthly subscription.

Oh, and nowadays you’ve got to consider the return policies. Please don’t send anything down the chimney that can’t be returned sometime in January. Don’t take it personally; the elves are good at what they do and all that but they don’t always get it right the first time. So if you are dropping off a gift, at least make sure it can be returned. There's no shame in providing gift receipts along with your gift.

Finally, Santa we need to talk about your delivery mechanism. Reindeer are not only inefficient but they require a heckuva lot of food. That is wasted energy Santa. C'mon, we've got an energy crisis here. Worse yet, it would appear that you’ve been snacking too heavily on some of that the reindeer food. Santa, I’ve got more two words for you --- Jenny Craig. C’mon, the ho-ho-ho was fine back in the days, but the 21^st Century is all about lo-lo-lo weight levels. You are a walking diabetes case waiting to happen.

Hang in there Santa. We still love you but really you’ve got some much-needed personal re-evaluation ahead of you. Let’s do lunch some time.

Happy Holidays from your favorite consumer advocate,

Michael Shames

About the author: Michael Shames is the Executive Director of the Utility Consumers' Action Network, a San Diego-based consumer group and the author of "Secrets from the World's Greatest Consumer". The author can be reached at michael@ucan.org.
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Comments

Posted by isis	December 27, 2006
hi, all good one? I am Brazilian, more I am ordering this commentary to desire a happy Christmas to you and many happinesses, I am here why I want to find a friend q I made here exactly in Brazil, called stiven neville, more I came to desire to a happy Christmas and a prosperous new year… great embaracement…

Posted by Darioush T Ghahremani	January 26, 2007
Need information on CMS: County Medical Services for a friend who doen not have a job and is sick and no incom, redident of San Diego with proof of residency etc.. Please let me know how we can help this 58 years lady who is in immediate need of Medical attention. Thank you so much Dghahremani@aol.com

Posted by Betty M.	December 21, 2007
Enjoyed your little commentary on Santa and shopping. Very cute. Glad to see you haven't lost your touch. Neither has your staff. Your latest UCAN newsletter is excellent. Well organized and readable, and interesting. Glad you are not just resting on your laurels and all your past accomplishments. Have a happy and successful New Year, Michael. Best Regards, Betty

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