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REVIEW: Sex and the City 2

The main characters deserve better, funnier matierial

Sex and the City 2: Rates a D.
Courtesy photo

I hated the first Sex and the City film. I hate this movie slightly less. And I was a huge fan of the show. It was clever and fun.

It baffles me that nobody wonders during the filming, why these jokes and bad puns aren’t working. Kim Catrall actually says “Lawrence of my Labia” at one point. And one character is named Richard Spirtz, merely for a cheap joke about his name being shortened to Dick (was the screenwriter/director a 5th grader?) These are lame jokes you get with this movie.

I thought they brought some good stories to the table. Big and Bradshaw turning into a boring married couple that just sit at home and order take-out; Kristin Davis trying to raise two bratty kids, and wondering about her husband and the attractive nanny; Kim Cattrall going through menopause; and Cynthia Nixon dealing with a sexist boss that causes her to quit the law firm.

When they go to Abu Dhabi (so they can tell unfunny jokes about camel toes while riding camels), things continue to go downhill. And as a critic, I’d be remiss to not mention Ishtar, the biggest comedic bomb of all-time, which had Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman riding camels. I think those animals jinx movies.

When Bradshaw and Big watch an old movie and she says how beautiful Claudette Colbert is, he whispers, “She’s got nothing on you.” I wondered why anyone would say such a cheesy line. It’s even weirder when you’re saying that to Sarah Jessica Parker, who not only isn’t the most attractive actress in the world, her and all the other women in this actually didn’t look so hot. It’s strange, because Cattrall was beautiful in Ghost Writer, but all the shots of her and the gals in this were unflattering. No, the camel humps didn’t make their butts look fat. They just looked like old women who can’t pull off the flirtatious fun they did when the TV show started. Maybe that’s why they found a way to get them to wear burkhas.

The cameos were cute (Liza Minelli, Penelope Cruz and Miley Cyrus), but there were only two scenes that were funny in the entire 2 ½ hours (and that’s being generous).

The first film made over $150 million domestically, and I have no reason to believe this won’t be huge. It’s just strange that fans of the show can watch crap like this just because it involves characters they like. Shouldn’t that make you like the movie less? They’re taking characters that we found so fun on the show, but now we wonder why they aren’t funny and come across as spoiled brats.

A perfect example is a scene when the women are really in danger of getting stoned to death or jailed in the Middle East, and their biggest concern is being late to the airport and having to fly coach.

I also wondered – if Muslims extremists were so offended by the use of Mohammed in South Park recently, I’m guessing after this film, the studio that made this bomb will be bombed.

There’s a scene where Cattrall is having sex so loudly, that wedding guests all hear what’s going on. It’s exactly like the scene she did in Porky’s. That’s a movie I never thought I’d reference in a review, and it was actually funnier than SATC2.

A joke about youthful looks that has one character whipping out her Suzanne Somers book brought a slight smile to my face. Later in the film, when a group of women all brought the book out of their purses it not only wasn’t funny, but I wondered if there was some sort of product placement going on. But hey, it gave them the opportunity to throw in an unfunny thigh master joke.

And on the subject of books, Bradshaw puts her latest novel (which is poorly reviewed, just like this movie will be) on the shelf. It’s next to a Susan Sontag book. Wow. I think that last earthquake I felt was someone spinning furiously in their grave.

The fans of SATC will go to this, not worrying about what the critics think. And they won’t mind the silly contrived situations like an old boyfriend (John Corbett) coincidentally being in Abu Dhabi, or the young stud from the first movie making an appearance to sleep with Catrall again (in a scene that should’ve made this movie NC17); and of course, the two main gay characters getting married to each other. It’s a lavish wedding that has a few amusing scenes, but is way too long. Just like this entire movie.

Any critic that gives this a good review is a critic you shouldn’t trust.

I’m giving it a D.