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You won't dig this Ryan Reynolds movie

Buried: Rates a D+.
Courtesy photo

I’ve seen thousands of movies over the years.

I saw two movies during break-ups with women. One being a woman that came over for dinner, and we had planned on seeing A League of Their Own. She broke up with me during dinner, but suggested we still go to see the movie together; there was no crying in baseball, and no crying in the theater, either.

I’ve only been sick during three movies.

As a kid my friend's dad took us to see Puff the Magic Dragon. I had the worst fever, and I remember saying how hot I felt. My friends dad said, “I’ll buy you some bon-bons. That’ll cool you off.” It was the first time I ever had them.

Another time, I got up during the middle of a Whoopi Goldberg movie where she’s coaching the New York Knicks. Luckily the bathroom was right there, because I puked three times (yeah, the movie was bad, but not that bad).

And the other day I had a fever of 103 when I went to see Buried, the movie where Ryan Reynolds is dirty and angry for 90 minutes.

It’s really a shame this movie wasn’t better, because it really did a few things great.

They build tension and suspense well.

They don’t film anything but Reynolds in the box. We don’t see the 911 operators he talks to, his wife, etc. I think that adds a nice element of claustrophobia to the proceedings.

And surprisingly, we get a few different camera angles, and different lighting at times (he has a Zippo, flashlight, cell phone, and glow stick we can thank for that).

Part of the problem I had was that every person he talked to on the phone annoyed me. And not for the reasons the filmmaker wanted.

When the first 911 operator in Ohio said, “You don’t need to get rude with me, sir!” That was fine. I hardly think an FBI agent would have the same tone and question why his story slightly changed. When someone is panicking, I’m guessing people in that position would listen. That would also include his wife’s sister, when he requests she go online and find a number for the State Department. Or better yet, how about he tell her first, that it’s an emergency and he’s been kidnapped. Instead, I guess he just thinks he can bark orders at people and they’ll do what he wants.

When he calls his mom in a nursing home, we know exactly where that’s going. It didn’t move me.

There’s one phone call with his employer that’s so utterly ridiculous, I wouldn’t be surprised if people just walked out of the theater at that point.

It was interesting to have a few scenes in complete darkness, with us only hearing Reynolds breathing or grunting.

There’s a scene with a snake that first made me think of O.J. Simpson’s scene in Capricorn One. It quickly became yet another ridiculous scene that was intended to put us on the edge of our seats.

It’s a shame that a good premise was poorly written in enough scenes to ruin the film for me.

This could’ve been a great Twilight Zone episode. It was a great story by Edgar Allan Poe. It’s not a great Ryan Reynolds movie, but then, most aren’t.

The film started strong, and finished strong. I enjoyed the ending. It’s the middle hour I had problems with.

I’m giving this a D+.