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Fecal matters--not!

Jackass 3D: Rates a D-.
Courtesy photo

I remember when a few friends talked me into seeing Jackass 2 at the theater. I hadn’t seen the first one, and only saw portions of their MTV stunts.

I had a lot of fun at that movie. I didn’t know what to expect, and there were a lot of comedic moments. I’m not sure if it’s because my friends and I had the camaraderie that these crazy dudes seemed to have in the film.

Seeing Jackass in 3D added absolutely nothing. And, none of the stunts they did added anything worth rushing out to see.

The movie made $50 million its opening weekend, so I caught it on Monday night to see if it would live up to that hype.

There’s only so many shots to the nads we can watch people take. Sure, people don’t seem tired of it in America’s Funniest Videos, but those aren’t idiots doing it on purpose.

And one thing I can’t figure out – a baseball player on our high school team (Hi, Angelo.), lost a testicle while playing catcher without wearing a cup. How is it these guys having lost theirs yet? Perhaps keeping them from breeding would be a good idea.

And do we really need to see the amount of fecal matter they throw on each other? It’s worse than watching gorillas in the zoo.

Oh, and speaking of gorillas, the stunt with a guy in a gorilla suit goes nowhere. The bit with the snakes – it’s almost the same thing they did in the second one.

I’m not even sure how this movie got an R rating. There was lots and lots of male nudity (full frontal), and there were graphic scenes of bodily excretion (from both ends). Oh, and just in time for the baseball playoffs – the guys play a game of baseball using their penises as bats.

The only fun moments I had were the song selections – Roger Miller’s You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd during a scene that has Johnny Knoxville in a bull herd with roller skates.

Melaine’s Brand New Key while they do stunts with rollerskates, and Electric Avenue while the guys run through an obstacle course with tazers set up everywhere.

I think this is probably Howard Stern’s dream movie, but nobody else over the age of 15 will care for it.

The well has pretty much run dry on this franchise; and so have the many Port-a-Potty’s they’ve used.

This movie gets a D-.