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Faster and more furious than ever!

  • Fast Five
  • Fast Five
  • Fast Five
  • A scene from "Fast Five."
  • (L-R) Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto and Dwayne Johnson as Hobbs in "Fast Five."
  • Fast Five
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It’s baffling me that Fast Five is getting such good reviews, and from many of the big named critics. They even admit the stunts and scenarios are all implausible.

Watching the first scene (stealing cars from a moving train), was mildly amusing. Watching them drive off was ridiculous, and seeing a Corvette go over a huge cliff as Paul Walker and Vin Diesel jump into water had the crowd I saw it with laughing.

They didn’t laugh at the dialogue that the screenwriter thought was funny. That would include The Actor Formerly Known as The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, telling authorities how hard it will be to catch this group. He ends by saying “So put on your funderwear.” Wow - never thought I’d miss Arnold Schwarzenegger’s crappy action films.

The fight scenes were just as ridiculous as the car chases. Every wall the guys fall through, and they can punch each other endless times with nobody being knocked out or breaking a hand. When running from machine gun fire, nobody gets shot; and as they jump from roof top to roof top in the beautiful city of Rio) – nobody breaks an ankle, even if it’s a 50 foot drop.

I remember a Bourne Identity film where the roof jumping scenes were exciting and fun. This wasn’t.

When the guys decide to do “one last job,” they have to “assemble a team.” This will mean you get the Asian guy that’s great with wires, the rapper turned actor (Ludacris) that is great at cracking safes, the gorgeous woman that can throw knives. Oh wait…that’s another movie; but you get the point.

This movie is Oceans 11 on steroids. It did have a few cool stunts and the best exploding toilet scene since Lethal Weapon 2. But did this really need to be over two hours long?

I’m giving it a D-.